Sunday Blues

Serves me right for sleeping my whole Sunday away. So here I am, suffering the consequences of being sloth. And listening to those sentimental love songs ain't doing me much good either, yo-yoing my emotions around topsy-turvy…

So at times like this, one is compelled to just blurt out her thoughts, be it on a piece of paper, in the form of a poem, a diary entry or simply, on an online blog.

I am a happy person, generally. Or so I think. But there're times
when I feel down to dumps, I feel depressed. I feel the blues twice the amount that one would normally feel. Maybe even thrice. There're times when I struggle inside myself, my emotions trapped inside a cage, waiting to be unleashed and yet, my practical side tells me to just bury them and wait for them to subside and once again, I'm ready to face the world and brave the society again. But how long can I keep this charade up? Granted, I don't normally feel depressed or sad. In fact, I seldom do.

But when I do, I want to go through the whole process like any other normal being - talk about it with someone I trust, cry, scream, shout, kick, fling things around… you know, the usual. For now, whenever I feel as if my world's tumbling down, I still act like it's just another day and a smile is still etched on my face while deep down inside, I'm slowly losing a part of myself and my sanity. Why can't I feel twice the amount of happiness when I'm happy compared to the sadness I feel whenever I'm sad?

/me wants to cry bucketfuls for everytime something sad happens to me.

/me wants to just clam up and do nothing, lie in bed and let the world pass me by during each depression period.

/me just wants to be me again.

For each second that ticks by during the blues, long gone, out of grasp, I'm losing myself too.

I just hope that I see more sunshine than the blues.