Lighting White Candle

Death is nearly always accompanied by questions especially "why" whether we are facing it ourselves or the death of someone we love. We want answers. Why is this happening? Everyone reacts differently when confronted with the death. When the death is unexpected, it can be even more difficult to deal with. How do we deal with separation in life and in death? God has made plan for eternity. God reveals it to us.

My aunt was admitted in ICU for nearly a week. Doctors have also confirmed that she left not much time. Her condition gets worst from time to time because the cancerous cells have been spreading to most of her organs and the surprising part is that she wasn't awake until today, the day she went away. She managed to open her eyes and talk to her family and my mum for the very last time. Not anymore breathing machine needed or anymore morphine. The last word uttered was "thank you".

I received the unexpected call from home right after my presentation. Looking at the display, I already had a very bad feeling because I did informed my sister to give me a call whenever there's any critical condition about my aunt. Needless to say, it was heart wrenching. I attempted to hold back tears but I couldn't. I was really really sad until I couldn't talk at that moment. I do nothing but just cry. I can't rush back home and I don't know what I should do. All the things I have in my mind was to see her for the very last time. Anyway, I'll be heading back to attend the funeral. What else is more important than this I wonder? No. I know I have no more chance to receive her angpows (she likes to give angpows), to see her smile, to talk to her. Why then I want to lose the very last chance seeing her face?

My aunt was staying at my house for quite sometime ever since she knew she was diagnosed with last stage of cancer. I managed to have a nice chit chat with her about life and her sickness. I can guarantee that she was really trying hard to fight cancer. Every 15 minutes she went off to bed, she will then woke up. I saw with my own eyes. I hear the pain she called for. I really see the courage in her to overcome the pain. I can only stupidly see and help her to put ointment, that's it. How? Nobody wants to die. Those who doesn't appreciate own life, I'm speechless.

To my dearest aunt, I know you''ll be watching over us. Many memories and lifetime spent with you no matter how, when, why, which....... You will always have the space in my heart. God bless you. Love.